I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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