I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
