is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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