So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
