i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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