I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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