For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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