I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
