am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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