oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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