How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
