video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
