Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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