I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
