Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
