ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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