How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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