My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
