I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
