What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
