So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
