I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
