we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
