dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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