He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
