We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
