Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
