i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
