Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
