I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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