An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
