How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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