Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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