I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
