If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
