i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I need to align my fucking chakras
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
