I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
