How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
