If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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