HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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