Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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