Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
