Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
