I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
