Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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