he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
