Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
