The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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