the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
