Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
